Photo Cred: (1) | Updated: 9/22/2021
I’ve got a weird rule. No really, it’s something I use everyday when talking to anyone. It’s the 80% rule. What’s the 80% rule exactly?
Well if I find myself agreeing with someone more than 80% of the time, then I need to step back and find where we disagree. It’s a checks and balances sort of rule where I prevent myself from agreeing too much with anyone. Why do I have this rule? For a few reasons.
Why 80% and not some other percentage?
Honestly, it just makes sense to me. If I were to choose another percentage like 47% or 90%, then it doesn’t seem realistic. For instance, there are people who you and I agree with a lot.
Whether it’s a coworker, a spouse, or even someone you grew up with like a friend or a neighbor. There’s just some people we genuinely agree with the vast majority of the time and that’s okay. Everybody knows someone who they know well and almost always agrees with them. This rule of mine is applied to those circumstances too because it’s often the case that the people we know most are the ones we either strongly agree or disagree with in life.
Speaking of disagreements, let’s talk about family.
For example, my siblings are a great case study of this dilemma. We all grew up in the same home, with the same parents, under the same rules, and were given the same values. Yet now that we’re adults, we have the freedom to truly find who we are and it’s both strikingly similar or even a stark difference to how we were raised. Some of us are literal copies of our parents in how we behave, how we say certain things, and even what we believe about specific ideas. Then again, in adulthood all 5 of us do have a few key differences.
For starters, we’re just not the same on a personality level. Going by the Enneagram we’re all different numbers: Rachel (Type 1 – Moral Perfectionist), John (Type 3 – Successful Achiever), Me (Type 5 – Intellectual Thinker), Corban (Type 4 – Romantic Individualist), and Nathan (Type 6 – Loyal Guardian). Worldview-wise some of us are Christian, while some of us are not. Even then, my Christian worldview is not the same as those other Christian siblings either.
Politically, you can’t get more diverse. We have a centrist, two conservatives, a liberal, and a libertarian. To put it mildly, family gatherings can be a firecracker of an event when we’re all together and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Putting the 80% rule into practice.
We need more diversity in our disagreements. One of the main motivations for me avoiding talking to anyone online is because people have forgotten how to disagree. I don’t want echo chambers, but I don’t want a Facebook fight night either. I want civil discourse on important discussions. So I choose to have those in-person where we share the same space and I can see how they feel.
I dare you to disagree with me, but not at the cost of who you are as a person. I’d rather people freely leave Christianity, then be bound into believing it. There’s a hot take for you.
In all seriousness, it’s okay to be in the minority when it comes to what you believe. It’s also okay to be in the majority. Know what you’re about and stand by it with dignity. Question everything and when you’ve found the answer, then be content with it. Regardless, avoid for dear life the cognitive dissonance of agreeing 100% with anyone because that’s how cults get made and dictators rise.
My disagreements with God.
Can I be honest? When Christians don’t disagree with God it concerns me tremendously. I have strong disagreements with God and yet still choose to live my life submitted to his will for it. Why? Well God’s personal like you and me, therefore we’re going to disagree on some things.
When I see people who don’t disagree with God on anything, I then wonder if they also share this with other people they wholeheartedly follow no matter what they do. That’s called worship and the only one worthy of that is God. Even in my disagreements with God, I can acknowledge that absolute fact of reality that only he deserves our worship.
Unlike humans he’s not broken, corrupted, or flawed. He is perfectly good and that’s good enough for me to agree to his plan for my life. I’d encourage everyone to do the same, but only if you agree to it. With that, Godspeed and Jesus bless.