Photo Cred: (1) | Updated: 3/20/2022
Going from a heavily knowledge based message on the Holy Spirit to then go on to teach a heavily heart based message on relationships was quite the jump in sermon prep approaches. In week 8 of the Grace Talk series from Reunion Church, this message was aimed at explaining how God’s grace impacts relationships. In retrospect, I didn’t jump far enough and through insecurity made a sermon from the wrong angle.
It was the right time to share this message, but not the right way. I took a head-knowledge approach to something that should’ve come from the heart. But at this time, I didn’t have it in me to do that so this was the ultimate result.
Whereas in the previous message in week 5 of Grace Talk, I spent a lot of time really trying to figure things out. This time, I waited until Saturday night to start preparing this one. Was it pride that I could just wing it? Was it compensating for the fact that I just started therapy and was resisting the topic of emotional intimacy? Laziness as I made other things keep me busy? I think it was all of those and more.
The bottom line: I just didn’t want to talk about this topic. I was avoiding it like Jonah avoiding God. But when duty calls, you can’t just not prepare a sermon you’re teaching the next day. So I did some research and found some semi-interesting ideas from a collection of articles and smashed them together like a Frankenstein mishmash of uncooked concepts.
If you couldn’t tell by now, I’m not a fan of how this turned out. Some good stuff here and there, but not my best and that bothers me today. When I’m not obedient to God in sharing his message, the people of God suffer because of it. That’s on me. This wasn’t a good sermon, yet there’s something to be learned from every message. Either way, here’s what I had in my sermon journal the night of the message:
- 3 married pastors joke
- Most of us navigate the faith-space a lot like romantic relationships.
- If you Google relationship studies, there’s tons about people having difficulty with commitment.
- For instance, one study showed
“that cellphone snooping partially mediates the significant relationship between emotional instability, intention to break up, and conflicts.”Influence of Lack of Trust on Romantic Relationship Problems by Abdulgaffar O. Arikewuyo, Kayode K. Eluwole; Bahire Özad
- They also concluded that “lack of trust is a significant predictor of romantic relationship problems.”
- Then again, other studies may have a solution for us.
- In the study called “Who are “We?”,” they introduced a construct named couple identity clarity.
- Basically, “an individual… believes that the two of them know who they are as a couple.”
- The study concluded that this construct is directly associated with:
- higher commitment above and beyond agreement
- reduced likelihood of relationship dissolution
- successful conflict resolution
- Bottom-line: when people trust they know where things are at and that leads to relationships persisting.
Relating To God
- Do we have couple identity clarity in our relationship with God?
- Let’s see what Scripture says.
“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself to me.”Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
- Paul shows how relating to God is like a romantic relationship in that there is this desire to give as a sign of love.
- Again, in reference to Adam and Eve (i.e. marriage), Paul writes
“man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way of Christ and the church are one.”Ephesians 5:31-32 (NLT)
- For us as believers, this couple identity clarity construct can help us in our own relationships with God.
- A few takeaways: be one, be open, and be optimistic.
- To be one is to remain with God.
- To be open is to communicate with God.
- To be optimistic is to have joy with God.
- The grace process all boils down to trust.
- How do we trust God?
- In faith and humility, we can trust God in the grace process.
This wasn’t even close to my best messages. It’s odd how I see my own arrogance now that I’m dating someone (who’s amazing) and how even just a matter of months ago I wrestled with relational intimacy, which slanted my view of relationships. How bent my perspective was and off I was sharing this message.
There’s nuggets of good here, but this was a great example of what not to do. For my next sermon, I took a more subdued approach and that eventually led to me adopting the standard Reunion Church method of preaching. Here I learned 2 main things: I needed a heart check and my sermon structure sucked.
In the coming months, I have worked on those things with what I think has been very successful. I mean, I’ve got a girlfriend now and my sermons don’t suck. What more could an up and coming pastor want? With that, Godspeed and Jesus bless.